Chapter 29 - Glory of Love

Two days later, Fei accompanied Chi Shan to Sum Yu’s grave.  It was nearly noon when they got there, and someone had already left a big bouquet of flowers by the graveside.  They both figured it was Ah Man for reasons they could both understand.  If Sum Yu hadn’t pushed Ah Man aside from the oncoming knife, the latter would have been the one buried six-feet underground.  It had taken Ah Man over a year and a half to overcome the grief of losing her best friend, she was still struggling with the feelings of guilt occasionally. 

As for Chi Shan, he had come to terms that Sum Yu would not blame him for getting married with Ah Man.  She knew how much he had loved Ah Man in the past.  After what Kwan said to him about Sum Yu not needing love from a human heart anymore, he finally understood that Sum Yu’s love was now made perfect in death.  Her unconditional love for him and Ah Man could never be tarnished by anyone or anything.  Chi Shan was certain she was living in perfection in the mansion that was prepared for her in Heaven.
Standing near the graveside, Fei looked around the surrounding and was overwhelmed by a sense of lost for his unborn child.  “It’s really too bad that love and death has to be so closely connected.  It’s almost like one cannot exist without the other.  But it’s sad when people die for no reasons, especially children.”

When they got back into Chi Shan’s car, Fei let out a sigh.  “It’s sad Sum Yu lived such a short life, but at least she was happy and free.  It seems in every love relationship, there needs to be a death in order for good to come out of it.  I wish I wasn’t so blinded to love.”

Chi Shan was baffled as to how he ended up with a philosopher in his car.  “What do you mean, when were you blinded to love?  I thought things are great between you and Kwan!”

“I almost lost her when I found out we lost our baby!”  Fei admitted humbly. 

Shock registered in Chi Shan’s eyes.  “Kwan had a miscarriage?”

Fei couldn’t shake off the image of Kwan holding a cushion against her stomach, but he didn’t want to tarnish her reputation by telling Chi Shan what happened so he defended her honor instead.  “Yeah, it was entirely my fault.  I was being stupid.”

Chi Shan remembered how lovey-dovey the two were just an hour ago when they dropped Kwan off at the university.  But he had also witnessed the many times Kwan’s heart was crushed by his actions in the past.  So he gave Fei a pat on the back.  “Yeah, you tend to be that way sometimes!”

Fei tried to send a glare behind his sunglasses, but when Chi Shan turned to look at him, his smirk appeared in agreement.
“Drink?” The waitress looked at Kwan and waited impatiently for her to make a decision for the order she just placed.

Kwan thought about the waitress’ question.  She wasn’t sure what options she had, it had been so long since she had ordered anything that came with a drink.  “Umm…can I get a glass of milk instead?”

The waitress did a double take as if her request was for something totally obscene.  “Milk?!”  She gave an agitated look and sighed.  “You mean Vitasoy?”

Ah Man couldn’t hold back her chuckles, she then whispered to Kwan.  “I don’t think this place has the kind of milk you are used to drinking in the States.”

Kwan thought for a quick moment.  “Okay, may I have a cup of Almond milk instead?”

“Hot or cold?”

“Hot please,” Kwan watched as the waitress scribbled something down on her notepad and then turned around to shout out her order to the kitchen as she walked away.  Kwan shook her head and turned to Ah Man.  “Can you tell me why she bothered to write down my order when she just shouted it across the entire place?”

“You’ve been away too long.  This is Hong Kong, remember?”  Ah Man teased.

“I don’t remember it like this!”  Kwan said.

“That’s because you never came to hawker style stalls like these!”  Ah Man added.  “We didn’t have to come here, you know?”

“I know, but I am hungry!”  Kwan stated.  “This is just for a snack!  Still have to meet up with your soon-to-be hubby in an hour!”

“Don’t you drink tea or coffee in the States?” Ah Man asked.

“Yes, but I feel like having milk day.” Kwan gave Ah Man a concealed smile.  “Anyways, you said you wanted to talk to me about your father?”

Ah Man suddenly became quiet.  Obviously Kwan knew she was holding back something.  Kwan became concerned.  “Is it his health?  Is he doing alright in prison?”

“He’s fine! I saw him yesterday.”  Ah Man paused.

Kwan could tell something was eating her inside.  She smiled and looked into her friend’s eyes.  “You would like your father to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day, is that what’s bothering you?”  There was no words from Ah Man but her facial expression communicated the answer.  “Did you tell Chi Shan this is what you want?

“Yes, but Chi Shan said it’s best to ask …” Ah Man stalled her words. 

Kwan tried to search for the reason of this meeting which she felt Chi Shan was being deliberate when he insisted she talk to Ah Man at the university today.  When she got the answer, she sat back.  “Ah, this has to do with Leung Sir!  You want me to talk to Fei, am I right?”

Ah Man nodded.

The night before the wedding, there was a stag gathering at the bar near the police station for Chi Shan.  It was very much like the one he had the night before he married Sum Yu.  Only difference tonight was his widower status and Fei’s married status.

“Married life seems to suit you a lot!” Yau Sir patted him on the back.  “I’ve been hearing a lot of good things from your superiors at Quantico and Baltimore!”

Fei responded with a smile of appreciation.  Then Korean came up behind him.  “Hey Fei, what secret does Ms. Mo - ” Catching his own error, he apologized with an saluting gesture to Fei.  “I meant, Mrs. Tsui.”

Fei tried to knock Korean on the head with a playful gesture which made everyone laughed.

“What secret weapon does Mrs. Tsui use to keep you at her beckon call 24/7?”  Korean made a round about gesture with his arms to represent all who were present.  “All of us were curious if you needed her permission to be here tonight.”

The rest of the group denied Korean’s statement while Fei gave him a suspicious look.  “I am certain my answer is opposite of yours!”  Finally he let a smile escaped.  “Did you need Gigi’s permission to be here tonight?”

Korean gave a guilty as charge look.  At the same time, Fung Sir interjected.  “Of course he did!  At the station, he needs her permission even to go to the washroom!”

“Maybe I should send my wife to teach Gigi how to be a submissive wife.”  Fei offered with confidence. 

Chi Shan leaned near Fei and asked.  “Can I sign Ah Man up for the same class?”   

That night, Fei reached home just a little past 11pm and found Kwan sound asleep in bed.  He cleaned up quietly and climbed into bed gently so not to wake his wife from her sleep.  But after he settled on his side of the bed, Kwan nudged herself closer to him.  As they held each other, Kwan spoke with a sleepy tone.  “Fei, I need to tell you about …”

Thinking she was about to mention the abortion, he hushed her words gently with his tender kisses.  Soon she was submerged in his love and thought the conversation could wait for another occasion.  Fei, on the other hand, had images of baby things spinning in his head the whole day. Perhaps it was all the Christmas decorations everywhere he went and the main theme were all revolving the birth of a baby. After talking to Chi Shan about the miscarriage, he came to a conclusion that the lost of their baby gave him the opportunity to find out what the true meaning of love was. 

Since the incident in New York, they hadn’t mentioned about the baby.  But tonight, while looking into Kwan’s eyes during their union, Fei felt a sense of freedom in his heart.  “Did your doctor say it was okay for us to make a baby this Christmas?”

Kwan furrowed her brows.  “Umm, that would take a miracle to do.”  Then she smiled at him.  “Maybe another Christmas!”

Due to the jet lag, Fei woke up at around 4 am and couldn’t bring himself to sleep.  While Kwan slept in his arms, he reminisced back to the time when he pretended to be her patient.  She was so pissed with him.  She would not answer his calls, nor would she see him or give him the time of day.  He remembered how he made up that silly story of him being the king and her being the queen.  Then his thoughts brought him back to when they first met each other in the men’s shower room.  Thinking back to that precise incident when he stood naked in all his glory of manhood, he remembered that shock on her face when she turned to face him.  He also remembered how his entire being shrunk to the size of a bullfrog as she fled after seeing him.  He did exactly what the very first man did when his nakedness was exposed in front of a woman.  He went into hiding.  Whatever ego he had, it was gone because of a woman.

Fei smiled at his foolishness back then, for he didn’t know she was blind at the time.  If she was able to see, they would not have met.  Kwan would never have entered the men’s changing room, and she would never have left such a deep impression in him.  Their journey would have been altered in unimaginable ways.  So he only had God to thank for this divine intervention.

Glory of Love – by Peter Cetera